Today, my ego was put to shame in an area that I would like to say that I'm somewhat knowledgable and that area is- parenting. While I haven't been a parent for a real long time, I have read and studied it quite a bit. And while I in no way consider myself to be an expert, I have always felt like I had a pretty solid handle on how to raise Godly children, and more specifically, how I would raise my kids to be Godly adults. There are some things that seem obvious, such as praying for your children, praying with your children, and letting them "catch" you reading your Bible. While those things are good, and even essential, there still seemed to be something missing. I wanted solid, practical, parenting skills that I could apply in the heat of discipline, and in the cool of playtime. This morning, I feel like the Lord revealed to me a solid Biblical perspective for parenting. And honestly, while I am talking of these tactics in relation to parenting, I feel that this will radically change how I live my life in general.
The two verses that were said this morning that the Lord really brought to the forefront of my mind and heart are both very familiar to anyone that has spent any amount of time in a Baptist church. The first one, Deuteronomy 6:5 "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength." THe second is this, Leviticus 19:18 "Love your neighbor as yourself."
These are the two commandments that Jesus gave when the Pharisees were questioning his status as self-proclaimed Messiah. They were testing Him and His knowledge of the law. In a way, I feel this is where I have been in my quest through parenthood. I have just been sitting back, "knowing it all", questioning God's ability to parent my child. (Really, that's a pretty bold place to be seeing as I've only been a parent for about 17 months. Just goes to show how fast your ability and/or knowledge can go straight to your head.) The truth of the matter is, I can't parent my child. I can't. It's that simple. Just like I can't be a suitable wife to my husband, I can't be a suitable mother to my daughter. This is where these verses come in to play....
I figure that if those two commandments were radical enough to put the Pharisees in their place, they are radical enough to put me in my place. And they did. These commandments seem so simple, and in a way they are. But at the same time, again, they bring me to the end of myself. Because the truth of the matter is, I can't "Love the Lord my God with all my heart, all my soul, all my mind, and all my strength." Nor can I "Love my neighbor as myself." Christ must do this for me. I give up and give in. Allow His love to pour into every crevice of my being. I think it involves keeping these verses in the forefront of my heart. This, I believe, is essential to the everyday living out of these verses. Allowing them to "transform (me) through the renewing of (my) mind". That means creating a new mind- or a new mindset. Taking captive those proud, judgmental thoughts that consume my current patterns of behavior and replacing them with compassionate, understanding thoughts that allow for mistakes: from others and from myself. After all, if it weren't for mistakes, we wouldn't need grace.
Now in relation to parenting- Deuteronomy says that we are to "commit ourselves wholeheartedly to these commands, and repeat them again and again to our children." (This is the paraphrased version.) So, when we think of parenting, what are the goals that we strive to attain in parenting? I will list a few that I have always envisioned myself striving, as a parent, to attain:
- Educational success (aka: a college degree...at least)
- Finding a successful mate
- Having a successful career that fits their God-given talents and abilities
- Having Godly friends
- Being drug/alcohol free
- Staying sexually pure
These are just a few. So, the question that was asked this morning is "How will you measure your children?" When you are sitting at your child's high school, or college graduation, what would make you say, "Success!"? Would it be the fact that they made good grades, and skated through all of their AP courses relatively unchallenged? Or would it be that your child got a full scholarship for his talents on the football field? "How will you measure your children?"
Today, the Lord has revealed that, even at the tender age of 17 months, I have already begun to measure my daughter by things that will not contribute to the Kingdom of God. Not that I don't think the things I listed above aren't important. Quite the contrary. After the discussion this morning, I think that these things are still important, however they are not the focus. The focus needs to be love. "How does my child love?" Does she love the Lord her God with all her heart, all her soul, all her mind, and all her strength? Does she love her neighbor as herself? When these two commandments are fulfilled, all of the above measurements will be met as well. That is why there is no need to put total focus on the previous measurements. I am thankful for the Lord opening my eyes to this truth today. I wish I could say this is the only time I will have to be reminded of these commandments in parenting, but the reality of the situation is, my heart and my mind are forgetful, and sadly quite stubborn.
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