New Style

So, today I had the pleasure of attending a two-week parenting class at church. Isn't it funny how, just when you think you've got it figured out, God steps in and says, "Ok- What about this? Did you ever think about it this way?" And then, a whole new way of thinking is opened up? Well, that is exactly what happened to me today. As a graduate student that is studying counseling, I'd like to think that I know a little more than the average person knows when it comes to these things. However, sometimes God takes our little human egos and shows us Who really knows something, and who doesn't.

Today, my ego was put to shame in an area that I would like to say that I'm somewhat knowledgable and that area is- parenting. While I haven't been a parent for a real long time, I have read and studied it quite a bit. And while I in no way consider myself to be an expert, I have always felt like I had a pretty solid handle on how to raise Godly children, and more specifically, how I would raise my kids to be Godly adults. There are some things that seem obvious, such as praying for your children, praying with your children, and letting them "catch" you reading your Bible. While those things are good, and even essential, there still seemed to be something missing. I wanted solid, practical, parenting skills that I could apply in the heat of discipline, and in the cool of playtime. This morning, I feel like the Lord revealed to me a solid Biblical perspective for parenting. And honestly, while I am talking of these tactics in relation to parenting, I feel that this will radically change how I live my life in general.

The two verses that were said this morning that the Lord really brought to the forefront of my mind and heart are both very familiar to anyone that has spent any amount of time in a Baptist church. The first one, Deuteronomy 6:5 "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength." THe second is this, Leviticus 19:18 "Love your neighbor as yourself."

These are the two commandments that Jesus gave when the Pharisees were questioning his status as self-proclaimed Messiah. They were testing Him and His knowledge of the law. In a way, I feel this is where I have been in my quest through parenthood. I have just been sitting back, "knowing it all", questioning God's ability to parent my child. (Really, that's a pretty bold place to be seeing as I've only been a parent for about 17 months. Just goes to show how fast your ability and/or knowledge can go straight to your head.) The truth of the matter is, I can't parent my child. I can't. It's that simple. Just like I can't be a suitable wife to my husband, I can't be a suitable mother to my daughter. This is where these verses come in to play....

I figure that if those two commandments were radical enough to put the Pharisees in their place, they are radical enough to put me in my place. And they did. These commandments seem so simple, and in a way they are. But at the same time, again, they bring me to the end of myself. Because the truth of the matter is, I can't "Love the Lord my God with all my heart, all my soul, all my mind, and all my strength." Nor can I "Love my neighbor as myself." Christ must do this for me. I give up and give in. Allow His love to pour into every crevice of my being. I think it involves keeping these verses in the forefront of my heart. This, I believe, is essential to the everyday living out of these verses. Allowing them to "transform (me) through the renewing of (my) mind". That means creating a new mind- or a new mindset. Taking captive those proud, judgmental thoughts that consume my current patterns of behavior and replacing them with compassionate, understanding thoughts that allow for mistakes: from others and from myself. After all, if it weren't for mistakes, we wouldn't need grace.

Now in relation to parenting- Deuteronomy says that we are to "commit ourselves wholeheartedly to these commands, and repeat them again and again to our children." (This is the paraphrased version.) So, when we think of parenting, what are the goals that we strive to attain in parenting? I will list a few that I have always envisioned myself striving, as a parent, to attain:

• Educational success (aka: a college degree...at least)


• Finding a successful mate


• Having a successful career that fits their God-given talents and abilities


• Having Godly friends


• Being drug/alcohol free


• Staying sexually pure

These are just a few. So, the question that was asked this morning is "How will you measure your children?" When you are sitting at your child's high school, or college graduation, what would make you say, "Success!"? Would it be the fact that they made good grades, and skated through all of their AP courses relatively unchallenged? Or would it be that your child got a full scholarship for his talents on the football field? "How will you measure your children?"

Today, the Lord has revealed that, even at the tender age of 17 months, I have already begun to measure my daughter by things that will not contribute to the Kingdom of God. Not that I don't think the things I listed above aren't important. Quite the contrary. After the discussion this morning, I think that these things are still important, however they are not the focus. The focus needs to be love. "How does my child love?" Does she love the Lord her God with all her heart, all her soul, all her mind, and all her strength? Does she love her neighbor as herself? When these two commandments are fulfilled, all of the above measurements will be met as well. That is why there is no need to put total focus on the previous measurements. I am thankful for the Lord opening my eyes to this truth today. I wish I could say this is the only time I will have to be reminded of these commandments in parenting, but the reality of the situation is, my heart and my mind are forgetful, and sadly quite stubborn.

Moving on...

My apologies to those of you who actually read through the entirety of my last post. I don't complain a lot, and while it is not productive in any way, somehow you just feel a little bit vindicated in being able to "give it what it deserves". In this case my "it" was school, and it deserved a swift kick in the you know what. I think I successfully did that in my last post, so now, as the title of this post suggests, I am moving on....

I have to tell you this because I think it's a pretty monumentous occasion. Today, March 24, 2009, Braelyn wore her first ponytail! I feel like we have entered into the world of all things girly now that she has enough hair to actually put in a rubberband. I had to use those tiny clear plastic rubberbands though. I have never used them before, and let me tell you, those little boogers are difficult to use! Poor baby probably thought I was just pulling a massive amount of her hair out of her head when actually I was just trying to pull it out of her face. We're in that in between stage right now of hair growth. If you've ever had bangs, you know exactly what I'm talking about. It's too short to put behind the ear or pull all the way back, but it's too long to be considered bangs. Quite frustrating for me. I don't think it bothers her in the least bit having hair in her face constantly, but it definitely bothers me!

Well, I'm signing off for now! Good day!

OVERWHELMED

That is exactly how I feel right now. I am just going to go ahead and apologize- I am just going to vent (aka- complain) for a few minutes. I think of all of the school stuff I have to do in the next month and a half, and I feel like I should just kiss my family and friends good bye until May 6th. I have one class with 4 more groups that I have to observe, and then I have to write a paper about it. I also have to interview two group leaders and write a paper about that. THEN I have to do 2 more article critiques (I've finished one already). And in case that isn't enough, we also have a major group project for that class that we haven't done a whole lot on. Super duper! And that's just ONE of my THREE classes. I guess I should be thankful I don't have a final in that one. And I am- I really am thankful. I just have so much to do before finals week, that I can't even think that far. In one of my other classes, I just finished the third of four papers so far for this semester, but that fourth one is a doozy. 15 pages. woo freakin hoo. My third and final (and favorite! it really is- I'm not being sarcastic) class isn't as bad. But I do have a major project still to do for the semester...and a take home final, which we all know what that means. It is likely impossible to make a good grade on. I keep telling myself that it is good for me to be getting this degree and that I need it. And that I'd rather do it now than when Braelyn is older. At least this way- God willing (and I don't use that phrase tongue in cheek, I pray all of the time) that she has no recollection of this ever happening. I want to be at her soccer games and cheer practices. I hate missing out on so much right now, and I really feel like I do miss out on a lot. But in the long run, I know it's better to do it now rather than later. AAAAHHHHH.......It feels good to get that off my chest. People that have been in my shoes keep saying that it won't last forever, but I'll be honest- right now, there is no light at the end of my tunnel. Not even a pin-sized one. I'm walking in the tunnel looking for a mag light, and now a train is entering the tunnel about to plow me over. ugh. I'm done now. Find a fork. Hopefully I will one day be able to post again and say that I survived a train wreck. But for now, LOOK OUT!!

The Bachelor Finale Reaction

Wow. If there were one phrase regarding love and marriage that I hate more than any other (and I understand that A LOT of people disagree) is "I have to follow my heart". If anyone had any doubt as to why the divorce rate (and as a result the crime rate, high school drop out rate, and really just the overall moral decline) of this country is so high- this is it. Because people have to "follow their hearts".





*warning* *warning* I am stepping up on my soap box. *warning* *warning*





I think I have said this before, but I feel very strongly about marriages and the need for them to succeed. I believe this is a part of the Lord's heart that He has placed in my heart. It breaks my heart to see marriages fail, not just for the husband and wife, but mostly for the kids. The most heartbreaking part of all of this is how far these people are from knowing and understanding what love really is. "Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." It is THIS kind of love that calls us to more than just "following our hearts". Why is this, you ask? Well, how many times have any of us offered ourselves as a sacrifice for someone else? Or even sacrificed something that we wanted for the betterment of someone else? Now think about how many people you have said you loved. Which one out weighs which? It is this word, love, that seems to have all of us confused. "Love never fails." So why do so many marriages and relationships find themselves in the distant past after two people have seemingly selflessly declared their love for each other? One of two things is happening here. Either love does fail, and Scripture is wrong, or people don't really know what love is. Maybe I'm an idealist, but I do belive that "Love never fails". And by never, I think God really meant never. I believe that the ultimate heartache that is experienced by so many people is not that they "gave their heart away" or chose to "follow their heart" instead of "leading their heart". The true heartache is that they never really knew what the word love meant. Each of them had different interpretations and meanings of the word love instead of knowing and understanding THE definition. This is where couples fall apart. How can you base any relationship on something that two different people have two different understandings of? The thing with "following your heart" is that your heart has no direction. It only feels. And while I do believe the Lord gave us feelings for a reason, I don't necessarily think that our feelings should be the primary compass of our lives. Think about it. It's like being on a roller coaster. (Maybe that's why they say, 'I'm on an emotional roller coaster!') What happens when you're at the top of that hill, juuuust about to teeter over the other edge and give your body over to the effects of gravity- and all of a sudden, you don't feel like going down that hill? You probably should have thought of that before they strapped you in and checked to make sure there was no way you were getting out of that seat without their help. That's what happens in these relationships. People get to the top of the hill, look down, and think, "Nope! Not today. I'm not going down this hill. I think I'll just get out." And then they do, and they wonder why it's so hard to get out of a moving roller coaster without getting hurt, or hurting the other passengers. It is my prayer, and my plea to anyone who reads this that is not married yet (or if you are married), that you would know THE definition of love. Not just a definition that sounds good on camera without being cliche. His name is Jesus.



"Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13